


practicing smiles

by introspectivebeet



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Other, aone is autistic, aone must be protected, autistic aone, but brotps, i don't think there will be any romance lol, its based on my autism and my mutism, selective mutism, this will probably have slow updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28398777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introspectivebeet/pseuds/introspectivebeet
Summary: Aone Takanobu is autistic and selectively mute. Almost everything is hard for him- school, talking, being in public, making friends. His only safe havens are volleyball and his best friend, Futakuchi Kenji.What happens when Futakuchi is sick during a practice match and Aone gets overstimulated?
Relationships: Aone Takanobu & Azumane Asahi, Aone Takanobu & Futakuchi Kenji
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I would just like to reiterate what the tags say: I am autistic and selectively mute, and this fic is based off of a personal headcanon and my own experiences. If some of the things in this fic aren't representative of your autism or an autstic person you know, that's because we're all different!
> 
> Here's a playlist I made for my favourite autistic bean :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Dzrqn8EBFVeKxq4axqUX3?si=ncnjS3DVSjiREpp_1fQKgQ

It’s loud.

That buzzing sound from the lights overhead is so loud, and so is the clock and the breathing of my classmates and the way Futakuchi’s leg shakes and everything is so loud. It’s too loud and too bright and too quiet and too dark all at the same time and I can’t take it, it’s all just too much.

It’s all too much and I’m tapping my middle finger against my thumb as quickly as i can and tugging at my eyebrows with my other hand and it’s not helping. It’s too much. It’s too much, it’s too much,  _ IT’S TOO MUCH. _

Several heads turned to face me, and I’m not sure why, all I know is their eyes feel like velvet to my skin and it makes my whole body scream. 

“Aone-san, can you come with me?”

My sensei is too close to my face, uncomfortably close, and she looks as if she wants to touch my shoulder but I flinch away from her before she gets the chance. Within seconds Futakuchi is bowing in her direction, excusing both me and himself, and he’s crouched in front of me while the teacher escorts the rest of the class outside of the room.

“Takanobu. Look at me.”

I shake my head. Opening my eyes right now would be too much.

“Taka-chan, nobody else is in here. It’s just you and me. You’re safe, it’s okay. You’ll be okay, just do me a favour and look at me, alright?”

I peeked open one eye. When did I start rocking back and forth? There’s Futakuchi. He looks tiny from here. 

“Can you give me your left hand?”

I hesitate for a minute. I don’t like being touched, but he’s never hurt me before. Besides, he’s asking first. If I let him touch me will I be okay or will I spiral more? 

I nod. I hold my hand out to him and he takes it in his- firmly. He knows that I hate light touches, especially when I’m overstimulated.

“Good. I’m going to massage it a bit, okay? We’re gonna start counting now, too.”

I nodded again. He knows I’m mute most of the time, that talking feels physically uncomfortable for me, but he also knows when I need to do it. 

“One.”

His hands are soft.

“T-two,” my voice is barely a whisper.

He smiles, I notice, as I open my other eye. I’m still rocking a bit, and my fingers on my right hand are still tapping, but my eyes are open and that’s a start.

“Three.”

I take my first deep breath in what feels like ages.

“F-f-four.”

My pulse starts to slow down, and things are getting less hazy.

“Five.”

My rocking distance is shorter and the tempo is slower. 

“Six,” and this time it’s a complete word, even if it’s still barely more than a whisper.

“Seven.”

He took my other hand. 

“Eight.”

His smile got bigger when we made eye contact.

“Almost there. Nine.”

I sat up straight, finally.

“Ten.”

“There we go. I told you that you were safe.”

I nodded and looked away. I can’t hold eye contact for too long. 

“Let’s go see coach, okay? I’ll have him tell Sensei what happened.”

I stood at the same time as Futakuchi, who gathered his things while I waited by the door. We started walking down to the gym, one of the few places I rarely get overstimulated, and opened the doors to the locker room, where Coach Oiwake was in his adjoined office.

Futakuchi had me sit alone while he talked to Coach. I can hear the hum of electricity from the lights, the janitor whistling in the gym, that one sink with the leaky faucet. The sounds are amplified in my ears- to the point that I’m instantly digging in my bag for my headphones. 

The second I put them on my ears, the world slows. I scroll through my phone to find the perfect playlist, one with songs that make me calm down and songs that make me happy stim. 

I’m not sure how long I was sitting when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder, one too big to be my best friend’s. 

“Aone. Can I talk to you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aone doesn't do well with the idea of change.

“What did coach want?”

I shoved the papers coach gave me in his direction, looking down more so than usual. Futakuchi took them from me, a lot gentler than how I handed them to him.

“Tana-chan! This is amazing! Why do you look so glum?”

I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to talk at all. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide under my kitchen table and rock back and forth until I fall asleep. I want all of this, but I am too big for the table now and Futakuchi is looking at me without pity and I need to tell him.

I need to tell him, but there is a lump in my throat impossible to swallow down. I can’t force the words out, no matter how hard I try.

“Hey, Tana-chan, look at me, okay?”

This I can do, at least for a few seconds.

“You’re gonna be okay. I promise. The teachers in that class are a lot better at helping people like you! Plus, I know a kid in that class. He’s really friendly. I think you’ll like him.”

_ I don’t want to be in a class without you, Futakuchi. _

I think Futakuchi is a mind-reader or something. Every time I get this quiet, he always seems to know what to say. I’m not sure how he does it.

“I might not be in class with you, sure, but we can still eat lunch together and hang out after school and on weekends. We are best friends, after all. I wouldn’t just ditch you, you know that.”

I can feel myself nodding, but it’s like I’m disconnected from my own body. 

Practice is starting. 

I’m sweating, but it’s like I can’t feel myself doing any of the work. I’m a whole different person, watching myself from a higher perspective, like a camera filming a movie. I am existing in third-person, at least for a short while, and it’s terrifying, but also comforting. Like sometimes I can afford to take a step back.

I’m not ready for tomorrow.

Tomorrow, when I start a whole new class with new people and away from Futakuchi.

I don’t do well with change.

Oh, practice is over. 

Time to go home, I guess.

Sweat smells gross. 


End file.
